I accidentally banged my hand in the wall just now. Careless walk.
The pain tasted like wasabi. You know...the kind of pain when you're there and then in the moment, you suddenly know for sure that you exist, this whole world and its entirety is real and boyy was it painful. Then I let out a small shriek and felt like crying...but not out of agony. Sebak.
What a powerful reminder ya Allah. If painfulness is kaffarah (expiation) to my sins, then may I be a cancer patient, may i be crushed by in a car accident, may i be crucified, may i be stoned alive, even then the pain wouldn't necessarily cancel all of my sins. how much pain does one have to go through to get full kaffarah/compensation for their sins? Since death doesn't cut it, that means more than one life. Alhamdulillah, thank You for the pain You bestow on us in this world. It's one of the signs of Your mercy.
"Indeed, those who disbelieve in Our verses - We will drive them into a Fire. Every time their skins are roasted through We will replace them with other skins so they may taste the punishment. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted in Might and Wise." An-Nisa (The Women) 4:56
"So remind, if the reminder should benefit; He who fears [ Allah ] will be reminded. But the wretched one will avoid it - Who will be flung in to burn in the great Fire (and be made to taste its burning), in which they will then neither die nor live" Al-'Ala 87:9-13
...but here, we have only one lifeline. Yolo.
The good news is, paying off sins doesn't only come in the form of debit pain...but also credit istighfar, good deeds to others, purifying niyyah and taubah nasuha. So let's not walk on the Earth with so much pride. Acknowledge your mistakes and imperfections, impotence and dependence. After all, we're only adequate to walk on it, not govern it.
"Oh Tuhan, aku bukanlah ahli surga. Juga tak mampu menahan siksa neraka. Kabulkan taubat ampuni dosa-dosaku. Hanyalah Engkau pengampun dosa hamba-Mu. Dosa-dosaku tak terhitung bagai debu. Ya Illahi terimalah amal taubatku. Sisa umurku berkurang setiap hari. Dosa-dosaku makin bertambah Yaa Illahi.
Hamba yang berdosa datang bersimpuh. Menyembah-Mu, mengaku menyeru dan memohon ampunan-Mu"
Amin ya Rabb...Taqabbal Allahu Minna Wa Minkum
(May Allah accept it from you and us)
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