The start of 2013

بِسْــــــــــــــــــــــمِ اﷲِارَّحْمَنِ ارَّحِيم

alhamdulillah...

staying at home had never felt like such a relief in this bitter cold weather. Winter had brought more family time and togetherness. Alhamdulillah sangat2, lepak muktamar, tetamu datang none stop :) I love receiving guests. Allah had made meeting and getting to know new people easy :) Alhamdulillah, we get to share Your lavish nikmah with people without even having to leave our living room. Subhanallah. Suke la.

Let's do the five things.

1. Alhamdulillah...I received an email from the chair of English department at NIU, inviting me to major or minor in English. You made me blush, ya Allah. You know I'm struggling to even minor in Communication right now due schedule conflict and the limited time. But this simple gesture means a lot to me. Terboost sket confidence. Thinking back, just two years ago I failed my first English 102 midterm and this year I still went to English tutor center to help me write my term papers. How I hated English. It's ridiculous to think that even after having brought up in the UK for years and continued studying in the US, I'm still struggling with English. It's not a wonder for me because I can be quite a slow learner for example, I only got the whole concept of Add Math a week before SPM, reciting the Quran was frustrating for me up until I was 19. Allah ease the tongue for me to recite his kalimah then. Looking back, I think partly it was a test for me and partly on my side, it was the lack dua. Nak tulis paper, terlupa nak mintak Allah permudahkan penulisan kita, terlupa nak mintak Allah permudahkan bacaan kita. Sangat takut untuk ambil these nikmah for granted because the  real feelings of incompetence and desperation for not being able to do those things lives in me. I've so much respect for English major students. I've a love and hate relationship with literature. It's beautifully horrifying. Hats off.

2. I'm reading surah Ali-Imran. Part of the chapter synchs with the part in The Mother of The Believers and The Stories of Great Muslims books I'm reading and also the lecture that I just heard about the Muslim imperial conquest. Sangat menarik. Kena cari masa untuk share ni.

3. Favorite guests dari Carbondale datang :) They came to buy our van "ODC AIN 2". Anak2 Abang Am; along, angah, atikah and aimi ada...jd meriah la rumah. The piano was played professionally by Angah who self-taught herself, which I'm quite jealous of. She's deserves the piano. Kesian piano tu under used, duduk sorang2 in the corner, without often being played with. Nak belajar piano tp kelas2 dan tutor kat sini mahal. One day, inshallah! Moga Allah permudahkan.

4. Mama, ayah and I went for a movie night to watch The Life of Pi. Along and Anip sakit. Jadi, orang sakit buat cara sakit. Dok rumah. Orang sehat, enjoy dan buat orang sakit jeles. hehe. Haish. Actually, watching the movie would be a spoiler alert for along because he's finishing up the book. From the movie, I had the mimic taste of torrential rainstorm in open sea. Mmg dahsyat special effectsnya...dahsyat lagi realiti, kan. Banyak kata2 pujangga yang kupetik. 

1. Adult Pi Patel: Religion is a house with many rooms.

1. Writer: But no room for doubt?

1. Adult Pi Patel: Oh plenty, on every floor. Doubt is useful, it keeps faith a living thing. After all, you cannot know the strength of your faith until it is tested.

Adult Pi Patel: It's important in life to conclude things properly. Only then can you let go. Otherwise you are left with words you should have said but never did, and your heart is heavy with remorse.

Letting go is indeed hard but not when your mindset, prior to having kept it temporarily, says "This wonderful thing is nothing but what Allah lends me. Like a borrowed book, the acceptance of it should be one of gratitude (for meeting the criteria of the thing, info, knowledge you search for), the keeping of it should be with care, attentive and courteous (as it is temporary and full of surprises as it might offer more that you hope for) and the letting go of it should be one of gratitude (because one would have gained and learned so much from it).
 

Ckp pasal letting go ni, Aristotle penah debate "Can soul oppress itself?". For example, if one decided not to eat, then based on his or her will to not eat, it's not oppressing his or her soul because the person aka soul chooses to take that action willingly, regardless if the body suffered. But indahnya Islam tu, even our jasad is something borrowed. For that reason, we're responsible to take care of our body as it has certain hak/right that is due upon our souls to pay off as it is required for us to pay out hutang when it is due because pemberi hutang tu ada hak ke atas "duit kita". 

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) once asked a companion: "(Is it true) that you fast all day and stand in prayer all night?" The companion replied that the report was indeed true. The Prophet then said: "Do not do that! Observe the fast sometimes and also leave (it) at other times. Stand up for prayer at night and also sleep at night. Your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you and your wife has a right over you." - Sahih Al-Bukhari, Volume 7, Hadith 127  

As for that reason, saya menyahut the right of my eyes over me to sleep now as it is now due. Hehe. Dah lewat dan saya taknak kene held accoutable pulak kalau mata saya bertukar jadi mata panda esok. Tapi cammana ha, kalau mata dah letih tapi otak masih galak berfikir? Ha..ye ke salah otak. Ke nafsu sebenarnye yang berdalih ni. 

oke one last thought, i guess this could be my fifth point.

5. I met a friend who put missing tahajjud into another perspective. Saya dengan amazednya bertanya, "macam mana anda boleh bangun tanpa menggukan sebarang alarm clock/phone alarm?" jawabnya, "entahlah. tuan ambo niat je dan Allah sendiri kejutkan. Alhamdulillah. tapi kalau termiss, tuan ambo anggap, Allah nak bagi ana rezeki tidur lebih sket sbb keletihan layan tetamu atau kerja. I used to be all remorseful and Why oh whyyyy didn't I wake up, but then I realized that, I've made niyah and Allah says that He'll reward those who pasang niyah the same as those who do the amal." Subhanallah...best la dengar basyir/berita baik mcm tu. Kadang2 kita terlupa untuk berhusnuzhon dgn Allah. Sekarang, tinggal lagi nak ikhlas pasang niat je sebab niat tanpa ikhlas berusaha sama dengan pasang niat nak cekau A tapi malaih la study. 

The "letting go" of Afif. Kita bertolak ke US sama2, comei dan kecik, now you're tinggi melangit. Selamat maju jaya dlm SPM, dunia dan akhirat!

The deafening silent of the night is powerful. Let tahajjud consume it. 

Fi amanallah!