Warna warni Ramadhanku.

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
 السلام عليكم

Bismillah

Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah…

This year’s Ramadhan was simply the best. My friends, sis hanum and nuha were around for half of the time. We got the chance to go to the masjid together, hang around together at Kenosha outlet, family store, videocalling with kak hidayah, teaching sis hanum how to wear the shawl, spend my Nuzul al-Quran bertadarus with Nuha in masjid at UIUC…yes, I went to UIUC with Nuha, Khairul, Anip, Ustaz and Ayah. I made new friends there and not only that. It was my first time trying out making murtabak with them. At the masjid, I mingled around with the Indonesian community as they were the host to prepare for the iftar. Simply, I had the best fruit punch ever. Nikmat, Alhamdulillah.

On the way back, nuha, khairul and I played fuzzy wuzzy, four things and tried to memorize Asma Ul Husna Allah with the meanings in English…Nuha also taught me a bit of Arabic.

I feel much shukr this year too because it was my first time going to the masjid for tarawih in the states. Along was around…so, there was someone to give me a ride. All three of us, Along, Hanif and I went to the masjid together as much as we could. I dressed up every night for tarawih even when I did my tarawih at home…I think I have even worn a few of my baju raya. Alhamdulillah. Oh yeah, it was also the my first time wearing Abayas, which I got for under $4 from the family store. Black and brown.

My Ramadhan highlight this year had been about my experience at the masjid. I can never thank You enough, ya Allah. There was a time, the second day of Ramadhan, when I got to the very last, end corner. And there was a time when I got to the first saf. Many times I got to the first four saf. I want to tell you about a friend of mine called Shahnaz. She was the woman was in charge of collecting zakah, sadaqa, infaq and also the gift for our beloved imam. A few times I prayed next to her and she had been ever so friendly.

On the 25 august, as I prayed next to her, she kept talking about the Majlis Khatam Al-Quran that will be held the next day, Friday. I had been meaning to go to the majlis as I was also finishing my Quran, Alhamdulillah. I wanted to participate in the majlis as it will be my first time attending to a majlis Khatam al-Quran EVER in the states. I taught I might as well make the most of it. So, when she invited me, eagerly I said, Yes, Inshallah I will come and also bring some food for iftar…inshallah I’ll finish my Quran tomorrow too (though in my my mind was kinda skeptical about it. I had like 5 juz to go. Juz VS Days of Ramadhan).  Apparently her son was finishing his too and he is only 12 year old.

The anticipated Friday came. Along sent me off to the masjid at 6.30, an hour before maghrib. I brought my kuih raya and mama’s rendang. As I was helping with the set up, there were some aunties arranging food and drinks. I wish I knew urdu, hindi and Arabic. The spoke to me as though I was a native. I angguk2 geleng2 and smiled all the way and sometimes saying accha <- that’s supposed to mean Yes, right in hindi? I laughed at myself. Subhanallah, these makciks really have no clue that I don’t understand their instructions and whatever it was they we saying. They were so cute. There was also a nenek that I helped out. I didn’t do anything much, really..i just helped her to set up chairs for her and her friends in the hall for iftar. She was overly terharu…and that was priceless. Her name was Farouk. For a moment there I wanted to hug her tightly. She reminded me of my wan.

Many times, in the masjid or just generally anywhere I go, when people ask me what my name is, I’m always tempted to say “Oh you can call me Sayang (or anything the like)”. It sounds sweeter like that. It’s a good name with a good meaning what…

So, anyway…the majlis didn’t go as I expected. It was excellent. Although it didn’t go the way I expected. There was no tadarus togeda2 or anything close to that. Basically people just come, potlucking and that’s about it. The rest of the night went as usual. Only mine didn’t. I met Cheyenne and her mom. She was my classmate from my Women and Gender Studies class. Great to see her. She was taking a sem break and going to Egypt. I remember the convo we had at the Honors Banquet last May. She said her dad was going to send her to Egypt for a sem and marry her off there. I was like SAY WHAAAAAT. Quickly she said, it was just a suggestion from her step father who was an Egyptian. Her mother’s an American and her biological father was a Puerto Rican/Mexican. She’s twenty, so the step father thought it’s about time for her to get married. Yeah, it made sense. My jaw dropped out of surprised. Happy kind of surprised. It was good.

I didn’t get the chance to speak to her as much as I wished to. It was a good five minutes before iftar and then, we did maghrib straight away. Half an hour before isha, I went up to reserve my spot for prayer. It was expected to be very2 compact. Some had to pray in the basement where we did the iftar. I got to the third row and I had to reserve a place for the aunty that I made friend with during iftar. She requested me to. No prob...Only I never saw her again after iftar. Shahnaz brought this aunty called Sister Habibah. She said, Sit her sister, You’re fine. Next to you there are sister this and sister Jannah. She was so nice, sister habibah. Very soft spoken. Much of the crowd was attentive with her presence. This was indeed my odd night. Amazing sisterhood. Alhamdulillah.

As I sat there, suddenly I heard someone calling for Jannah a few times. berdoakah? I turned around, looking for the source of the voice. Apparently, it was sister Shahnaz, terkapai2 calling me. As though I wasn’t astounded enough by her calling me Jannah, I was more taken aback as she handed me a parcel in a present paper bag. She hugged me tightly and said “ This is for finishing your Quran. Mabruk..I’m proud of you”.

terharu saye sebentar. Tak tahu nak cakap ape..alhamduillah3. ya Allah, You’re  too sweet. Sweetness is You.  umpama seorang kekasih boleh suke2 dropkan sekuntum bunya ros merah kat depan rumah kekasih dia, macam tu lah saya rase.  That night saye rasa saya especially dipampered dgn kasih sayang Allah. banyak lah surprise yg sgt best2 mlm tu. rasa macam, sgt lavish kasih sayang Allah ni. Kalau kite nak doa for something that seems impossible, never mind lah bahawa Allah confirm boleh bg, what's more, Allah boleh bagi lebih dari ape yg kite harap dan doakan. His bounty dan kasih sayang are way beyond what we can ever imagine for ourselves. Subhanallah...Allahuakbar. that night too, the saff was especially rapat, lurus dan sngat bersentuhan bahu masing2. could it be The Crowded Night where His angels are sent down utk tulis kebaikan hamba-hamba Allah ni? wallahualam. manis itu terase...

and that night, there was a sedekah "auction" at the masjid. starting price to donate at $1000. we had 3/4 people who donated that amount of money in one go. then, it went lower to $500 and slowly the price was reduced down with still, many people berlumba nak sedekah. and subhanallah. what a way to encourage people to do sadaqah.

other than that, my family and i were invited by the Indonesian Consulate. besar rumahnya..tapi besar lagi hati mereka utk ajak family2 indonesians sekitar Illinois dan import seorang tokoh dari Indon called Dr Ustz Madrani Ali Sera...buat PhD kat Uitm, bidang engineering. Guess what? the best fruit punch that i had was there too! inshallah jumaat ni tetamu indon pula bertandang utk raya :)

that was my last terawih there in the consulat's house for Ramadhan 2011. alhamdulillah it was a new kind of experience too. i had to decline the tempting offer to go to purdue with ayah and ustaz the next day because i was already determined to go to the mosque and spend my last night there. nevertheless, speaking of niyah, sedekit tazkirah from ustaz madrani,

kadang2 bila kita plan sesuatu, perulaannya bagus..pertengahannya sangat bagus...tapi, tiba2 akhirnya teruk. the end product of a mukmin, whatever the circumstance, is very good...because he started from a good and sincere niyah. sbb tu ek, if we want to dream, we might as well dream big.

beza tak dua org yang dapat atau tak dpt khatam quran dalam bulan ramadhan, kalau salah seorang bermula dgn niat? dan nothing is wasted kalau bermula dgn niat, for example nak bukak pintu. something as mundane as that, kalau kita bermula dgn niat e.g. "saye nk bukak pintu kerana Allah...kalau ade org kelaparan kat depan pintu, saya nak beri dia makanan, kalau ade orang yang minta tolong, saya akan bantu, kalau ade tetamu yang nak singgah saye akan pelawa dan beri hospilatility yang terbaik".....ended up, takde orang pon kat depan pintu tu. ha padehal, pahala dan melimpah2 topup :) subhanallah. the beauty of small deeds.

anyhow, i went anyway to purdue. my hope for puasa penuh tahun ni after a decade tak kesampaian juga. haha. tak amek hati pon. duh..i was sooo close! :P alhamdulillah..semua Allah dah plan baik pnya. still, going to purdue or anywhere, shouldn't be an excuse for the night to be wasted.
As a close caption to my Ramadhan, my friend posted something worthwhile pondering. it deescroibes the feelings for many of us.

"Am I crying? 

Sad or Happy? Both? Why?
Ramadhan is leaving? 
Don't know whether I am a winner or a loser? 
Afraid if I could not meet Ramadhan again next year? 
Afraid if my deeds will not be accepted? etc.... hurm.."

walaupun dah seminggu bershawal, ateeqa nasha masih terasa seperti dibulan ramadhan. ade yang tak kena pagi ni..oo sbb tak bgun sahur. petang ni nak makan kat mana? oo..dah takde iftar la kat masjid. mlm ni busy...eh terawih dah habis. 

takpe. moga kita strive bulan2 kita yang lain seperti dibulan Ramadhan Kareem. amin :)