ada masa kite kene bersabar utk buat baik. ada masa, kita kene bertindak utk bermaksud baik

بِسْــــــــــــــــــــــمِ اﷲِارَّحْمَنِ ارَّحِيم

i need to write.
this full weekend i've spent with special people..
especially baby daania and daniel :)
it has been a roller coaster ride too with the college thing.
alhamdulillah hasbunallah wani'mal wakil.
i'm gona miss my arabic class.

out of emotion, i wanted to talk abt the blood test that i had to go through just the last two days.
we went to the clinic on Wednesday for medical check up. i got six injections from two nurses which resulted to be futile. needles and tubes were wasted and all i got were free plasters and pain. they gave many excuses...

1. my veins are extremely fine
2. i've low blood pressure. i need to eat more.
3. my blood is too thick. it came out black. hanisah said purple. i need to drink more juice.
4. i've thick skin. they couldn't detect the pulse.
5. my fasting on that day contributed to the blood test mission failure.

long story short, i had to come another day.

Another day.
after having done my x-ray, we went to the clinic again and the nurse was already waiting for me. i was seated and the folds of my two hands were injected, one after another. failed that, she tried on the back of my hand. it didn't hurt me much. i could still smile but once that failed, she decided to do one on my right foot. after the 9th injections, my body started shivering. it felt cold suddenly. i went into spasm. i couldn't even pretend to smile anymore. it hurt a lot. i was clinging my fist and looked up.

oh dejection.

the third day was the pinnacle. i got a friend with two toddlers to send me there and wait for me. i promised them it'll be quick, as promised by the clinicians. i came, the waiting area was empty. the receptionist aka the nurse said, the doctor is with one patient, she'll be right with you after this. half an hour later, the room started to crow with people. two latter patients were being called, surpassing me. mama already called me, simultaneously the clinic, a gazillion times, reminding the yesterday's agreement that i would be granted with fast pass because it wasn't my fault that i had to come another day after another after another to get my a sample of my blood.

an hour had passed. and the clock kept ticking away.

mama called and stirred my feelings. "ada masa kite kene bersabar utk buat baik. ada masa, kita kene bertindak utk bermaksud baik. you need to let them know. they promised! go and said to them and said, i can't wait anymore. in 10 minutes, i'ill leave". i didn't want to create a scene. i thought of just leaving.

but abruptly i stood up.

"i was promised to be served by the doctor as soon as i get here but so far, i've seen others being treated before me. i came here with a friend and she just left after waiting for so long. i can't wait any longer."

"i can take you in now if you want." said the nurse in training/receptionist. (actually, she's a health administrator in practice).

seriously..

"No. i was informed that i would be treated by the doctor, not the nurses."

"Ok..five minutes. five minutes"

5 minutes passed. 10 minutes...

half of me was already making it's way to the exit door. i was already imagining myself leaving. that time, it just felt right to leave.

after ten shots, and another day of appointment, nothing gets completed. you need to go! just leave. let them know your disappointment, dissatisfaction and anger.


but i don't want to come back. leaving now is not going to solve anything!

you're crazy if you don't leave now. another second and minute are wasted. what makes you think this time is going to work for sure? you've been waiting for more than an hour.


sabar itukan lebih baik. ya Allah, apakah hikmah disebalik ni semuua? sepuluh suntikan, sakit, masa terbuang, enraged! adakah Engkau menguji aku utk bersabar ataupun bertindak? 


Allah bg engkau 10 sakit inject utk hapuskan dosa2 kau. syukur lah. kalau kene datang lagi dan lagi, you got nothing but to be shukr for. ya Allah...astaghfirullah hal 'adzim, dosa2ku bagaikan pepasir dipantai. 

bertindak tak semestinya tak bersabar. tak sabar tak semestinya bertindak. i was patient enough to let go of mundane thoughts and what ifs dan bertindak accordingly. passivity in this case is weak patience. i was patient enough to not create a scene, speak in a firm but normal voice tone. if i had left without saying anything, would that have been better? wallahualam...but for sure, it wouldn't have solved anything.


"Miss Roslan!"


I entered the room and got seated. the doctor was there with another elder lady, performing a blood test.she already had plasters stamped on both her hands. i was worried.

"Oh, you...you're here to get your blood test?" said the doctor who saw me in her clinic 2 days ago.

"Yup..for the 10th times."

"Oh my God.."
the patients started whispering to each other in urdu or hindi.

the doctor got another set of new needle and made another injection. that moment, i saw myself running through the door right now and right then. the nurses failed/receptionist, now the doctor too? i wasn't scared to be injected. i was just frustrated. i just thought they were poorly trained or unskilled.

kesian makcik tu..

"She has collapse veins. she's quite old, she's overweight and she has heart disease too..." said the doctor to me.

i thought she was just trying make me feel better.
ya Allah, knowing myself, i would've left. i didn't even want to give the doctor a chance. i already knew the what was going to happened. on top of that, as though i didn't waste my time enough, the doctor and the patient were talking as though i wasn't there. the conversation went on and on sambil gelak, rubbing salt into the wound...keje lima minit boleh jadi lima jam.

Ateeqa, tak salah doctor dan patient having some light conversation. You find it annoying why some doctors are so focused that they can't even have normal conversations with the patients. but now, you're complaining when you see a friendly doctor. They don't know your situation. if you leave now, you're the one that will be seen as problematic. stop being too emo. 


kalau orang sini, dah lama depa sue clinic ni. 


ya Allah, give me just a little patience to keep my butt screwed onto the chair. 


what i just witnessed convinced me enough that i would be disappointed yet again...and that's the last thing i would want to feel. 
there goes my only hope...

Allah, what are You trying to say? what do You trying to do? *____*
i buhlieeeve there's a hikmah behind all this. 

mmg lah kesabaran sgt diuji.
result medic check up yang sepatutnya hantar ke MARA by Friday, tak kesampaian.
but now, it's not even abt that anymore. i just wanted to get it over and done with.

"Okay..your turn now. So, 10 times huh?"

"Yeah...they did once on my right leg too. that was the most painful, actually."

"Yes, I know..I know. But they should've told me. They are not supposed to do that. I didn't know. How come they didn't tell me. I've been here all the time"

tatau la doc..how am i supposed to know.

upon injecting,

"Bismillah ar Rahman ar Rahim..ya Allah..whatever the result is, aku redha. but please make this time work."
jarum dah dicucuk. darah tak keluar jua...

aku redha...

doctor gerakkan jarum yang menusuk daging ku itu ke kanan dan ke kiri.
tiba2 miracle happened.
blood flowing non-stop, filling up the tube.

ALHAMDULILLAH.

that whole in incident left me with a lot of lessons.

1. He is the one who bring me to it, he'll be the one that will bring me through it.
2. Allah just wants me to be just a lil bit more patience. It goes a long way.
3. Make a statement wisely, whether through words or actions.
4. don't let business affect the personal.
5. chill la! ni baru sikittt..muslim mane tak penah sakit! ;)