lil miss independent

بِسْــــــــــــــــــــــمِ اﷲِارَّحْمَنِ ارَّحِيم

alhamdulillah
so far, dlm konteks nikmat, every day is the best day of my life because my day goes well.
alhamdulillah classes are going well, and i could never ask for a better housemate.
we get on very well. tak gadoh2 as normal bro and sis would do.
maybe, knowing that we only have each other here.
hm drama pulak.

lusa, i'll be going to new york city to renew my passport. alone.
there wasn't a second thought that i couldn't do it.
my mind was too occupied with too many things that need settling.
i just said to myself " ah..i'll be fine bcos Allah will be around".
mama sent a message this morning "k.ngah yg lembutnya bisa mencairkan kekerasan..yg bakal meredah new york sorang diri.."

of cos, the first part seems/is fallacious. mataku terbeliak. tak sangka mama ckp mcm tu.
yang bakal meredah ny sorang diri, tu, aku buat tutup sebelah mata saja.
thinking back, it's kinda a big deal. i've always been under my parents' armpit.
as my friend would agree, saya anak yg sangat manja.
but all at the same time, You work so wondrously, Allah, that You give me reasons to travel alone and be on my own two feet.
how do i learn to adapt? i don't. i get butterflies in my tummy all the time.
facial expression: control macho. buat selambe.
check!
i only know that i just have to go with the flow.
Act of bravery is not because there's an absence of fear.but rather, the judgement that there's something more important than fear.
besides, u help me conquered manchester city and us :)

tak ada masa, hati dan tenaga untuk risau.
i'll be fine tho because Allah will be around.

ha, cammana kelembutan dan new york relate to each other? i'm not sure.
.
what do i really want to do now? i want to have a rest from reading textbooks and read fictional books instead. i want to read creative writing. i want to study my arabic. test this thursday. i want to lepak with buku tafsir. i want to hang out with adik2 through skype.
hm. i don't even know what i do for fun anymore these days.
my pleasure right now is reading, hanging out with along and my family. i'd be lucky if i have the chance to hang out with good old friends. fb doesn't do justice.

i need to sleep. Arriving home at 9pm each day with short breaks between classes, i get flustered easily. thursdays and fridays are fun because i don't mind coming home late from socializing. meeting and halaqa that is.

Allah, i'm consuming. with this jihad, please help me be fit enough, educated enough and wise enough to deliver.

despite all, i'm happy where i am.

thank you Allah for helping me strive each day. i'm so blessed. please raise us all up to the highest degree of blessings in jannah. amin ya rabb.