Antara Buih dan Ombak

بِسْــــــــــــــــــــــمِ اﷲِارَّحْمَنِ ارَّحِيم

ACRO (Alliance of Campus Religious Organizations) NIU Welcome Day
August 26, 2012

It was a lifetime opportunity to be able to share thoughts, experiences and reflections with an open and such diverse audience. Audience that waay tested her comfort zone. Audience that Allah had prepared her for all this while. Or so she thought.

"Practice makes perfect", they say. "No pain, no gain."
"Courage is not the absence of fear but rather, it's the judgement that something else is more important than fear."

But after the speech ended and she got seated, she learnt that practice didn't make things perfect. Courage wasn't the driving force that got her up there. Strength was not what she gain off of the speech. Rather, it was the realization of His rahmah that she got out of the whole experience. It was His infinite rahmah that pulled her through from the beginning until the end. It was because of His lavish rahmah that she was able to make time, to struggle preparing, practicing and going to the auditorium, preaching, reciting His words, climbing up and down the stairs and finally get seated.

"Ya Allah...I thought that the test You presented me with, was to make me stronger. But I don't feel the least, any stronger. What's blinding me now is Your abundant and avalanche of mercy. The more You put me out there, the more vulnerable I feel. I don't feel any more powerful. I don't feel I'm in a better position than where I was before. I'm overwhelmed. I don't deserve this. How I now feel all the more feeble and how less and less control I have over my life. Alhamdulillah, thank you for making me realize that You're all that I need. You're all that I have to depend on. Please ya Allah, please don't ever ever make me give up on Your rahmah. Don't ever make me give up on Your rahmah!"

Choosing between two pains - go out and make fool of myself or stay in and make fool of myself. Please help me choose between whichever pleases You more. Amin...

Reverend Ana came and said, 

"Keep doing what you do. It is as though you just dropped a pebble in a pond and created waves (...)"

Antara buih dan ombak. Pilih yang mana satu. - Maine, Atlantic Ocean 2012