Choosing Between Two Personalities

3:57:00 AM

بِسْــــــــــــــــــــــمِ اﷲِارَّحْمَنِ ارَّحِيم

Alhamdulillah...thank you Allah for the super amazing time spent with along...just sitting in his room, talking, chilling, eating, doing homework, listening to some stuff, saving up energy (...heater, light. Big times). Sometimes it's just nice to be around someone and knowing the person is how I used to ask mama sit next to me and just watch me do homework all day. Of course it didn't even last 5 minutes :)

lepas ni sapu chalet oil pulak. 

jadi, Rabu lepas adalah hari critique. Sebenarnya almost setiap minggu ada critique.
alhamdulillah. Prof tak dpt menghadirkan diri. eh bukan sebab tu saya bersyukur. Saya lega dan bersyukur sbb projek ni dah selesai dengan jayanya on time. Alhamdulillah. I was looking forward and anxious to present this particular work of mine. Basically the objective was to create a sculptor  based on certain emotions and feelings from a selective song. When the word song was mentioned, instantaneously many band names popped out of my mind; the Rasmus, Muse, Linkin Park, All-American Rejects, Gym Class Heroes, Black Eyed Peas etc...

"I'm going be the most expressive one ever. I'm gonna let them know that I'm not a girl who's stuck in her own little world, not keeping up with the current entertainment."
Funny how I use that as a measure of norm here. To be that means to blend, to not stick out like a sore thumb and to just be "normal". Because everyone else is like that...right?

Then I realized. Hang on a minute. What good would come out of this?
Err..people's perceptions on me may change. They'd be like..."Yeah man! That's the side of you we never knew before and would like to know more of!" Rave on.
The reality is that, I don't. I don't keep up with their world of entertainment. Those bands that I used to listen too were " fresh" when I was 15 back in the UK.

If that's how you think people are going to react, wouldn't it be better if you express the other "idealistic" side of yours? The side that people may never knew before and would like to know more of? When I say idealistic, I mean the ideals that you'd hope people define you this case,

Ideal 1 - expressing the crazy side of mine. The personality my family and close friends know of.


Ideal 2 - expressing the personality that has been tenggelam timbul and insufficiently expressed. It's been kept too long to myself. It yearns to be expressed, understood and manifested freely. The personality that I myself constantly struggle with and wish if only they knew, Islam.

Choosing between two personalities, which would torment me more if I didn't give the recognition one of them deserves? It's too easy. But yet again, the process of expressing the expression itself is in and of itself a struggle for me. How do I express struggle? Through the notion of suffocation? drowning? buried?

But Islam and struggle do not equate all that. Rather, they equate salvation towards sweetness and from that, exudes peace. Analogy - " case you lose your way in the woods and you don't have a compass on you, find the river and follow its water current as guidance." That is Syariah. The clear, well-trodden path to water. It is the path of release. 

Isn't that the peace which we arrive at after many struggles (abiding rules, conform to a standard):)

So, peace it is then the concept that I hope to invoke when people view my sculpture.

I decided that I was going to go for the song that was special to me. The one song that ayah ever gave me. I'd like to think he missed me at that time. I was in my first semester at NIU first time away from family too (for real) :)

Subhanallah. Such inspiration. 
While I was working on the sculpture in the workshop, it triggered to me that how on earth am I going to explain my choice of song in front of the class later? Asma Allah, Names of Allah, 99 of them picked out of in the Quran...then what? How do I explain or give a taste why He has so many names and attributes that matter? The most important question is, why should they care? Another inspiration came poking at me when I went home and picked up the book called "dari ADAM hingga MUHAMMAD - Sebuah Kajian Mengenai Agama-agama" by Dr. H. O. K. Rahmat S. H. (juga di pinjam dari public library). 

"e. Suatu perbuatan yang luar biasa seperti mukjizat dan keramat yng lahir dari seseorang tokoh, bagi fikiran manusia yang masih sederhana tak dapat menerimanya sebagai perbuatan yang alamiyah. Mereka memandangnya sebagai perbuatan ketuhanan. Dengan demikian timbullah anggapan bahawa dalam diri tokoh tersebut menjelma zat Tuhan; dengan demikian timbullah penuhanan manusia seperti penuhanan orang (...). 

f. Kadangkala sifat-sifat Tuhan dipersonifikasi (ditokohkan), sehingga setiap sifat Tuhan merupakan tuhan-tuhan pula. Demikianlah misalnya sifat pencipta Tuhan disembah sebagai Brahma oleh orang-orang Hindu, sifat pemeliharaannya disembah sebagai Visynu dan sifat pembinasaannya disembah sebagai Syiva" (pg. 16)

Athena in Pantheon, Athens
It clicked my mind how amazing it is that all the encompassing beautiful names belong to the One and Only God. The ancient greek people used to worship many mystical gods and goddess with different roles such as Athena (Minerva) who was the goddess of wisdom, war, justice, the arts and skill, Aphrodite (Venus) was the goddess of love and beauty, Heracles (Hercules) was half man and half god, Apollo was the god of the sun, of music, of light etc. They may be myths to us today, but people historically used to worship these different kinds of gods all at once. They made up many of the earliest and best sculptures preserved today. They gave art and renaissance, raison d'etre. Another example object of worship and attribute is the Virgin Mary. Some people pray to her for babies as they see her as "the goddess of fertility".  Wallahu'alam. 

 For different wishes you have, you refer to different gods/goddess which carry the specific attributes. It's not surprising to know that one could be worshipping one god more than the other. etc etc etc. 

Reading the book and taking some art history classes don't make me a scholar but they sure give me a lot of insights and kill a great deal of curiosity. And with the little knowledge that gets passed down, I'd like to share my thoughts on them. Correct me if I'm wrong. There's also this question being thrown around which according to some sources, is a favorite of philosophers and atheists, "If god is the greatest and all powerful, can he create a rock that he cannot lift?"- The Omnipotence Paradox. This is obviously an oxymoron question. The question itself is before we overthink it, it's imperative that we evaluate the question or simply get to know our God through his 20 sifat. Know how He's completely mutually exclusive from His creations and try to grasp the knowledge of Tauhid Rububiyyah, Tauhid Uluhiyyah dan Tauhid Asma’ was Sifat.

 So 99 names of Allah and more, makes sense. He's the All-Mighty, the All Compassion, the Abaser, the Compeller, the Most Powerful, the Constrictor, the Extender, etc...all these names affirm tauhid. One Great God, Allah. It makes sense. Now I have a foundation to my choice of song, Asma ul Husna song by Sami Yusuf, and reasons behind it in case they ask :)

Kalau mak ayah pilihkan calon suami/bini untuk kita dan hanya namanya sahaja yang diketahui, scary tak? Kenal nama tapi tak kenal sifat, macam mana nak terpikat? Bahkan tinggi risikonya dan bahaya kita memuja dan taat kepada sesuatu yang kita tak kenal secukupnya. Jom kenal Allah...#Note to self.

 Macam tu lah al-kisahnya dari A to almost Z bila saya kene pilih lagu utk project sculpture sampai ke Asma' was Sifat Allah. Berjela2 dan interconnected thoughtsnye. How was the critique? Alhamdulillah it was fine. It was done in a tiny group of three amongst peers instead. Prof was absent. Otherwise she would have played our songs out loud and made us explain our work in front of the classroom. Can't complain...I got a lot more during the process of making the artwork than I did the outcome. :)

p/s: phewww...there, makcik comel. sedikit sebanyak huraian sharing kita. maaybe your turn pulak one of these days, please ^__^


Do you have any comments, concerns or inquiries? Or else, just drop me a note to say hi! :)