Keep struggling and hustling.

Bismillah :)

I'm eight months into my new job at the Alice Smith and alhamdulillah I couldn't be happier. I remember leaving my previous job with the feeling of uncertainty and slightly bruised. The main reason I left was because my husband had asked me to. Although I hated to abide this decision of his, I said to Allah, "Oh Allah, if pleasing him means I'm pleasing You, then please give me something better than what is being taken away from me. I don't even know what's good for me anymore." Crazy as it might sound, I didn't mind the 2 hours commute back and forth and the salary cut as long as they allowed me to leave early so I can reach to my kids and husband on time.

I compromised to leave a bit earlier by 4:30pm which has never been done by any staff. When the company wouldn't budge and didn't grant it, I decided, that was the deal breaker. Too often my family and I reached home at 8:00pm, sometimes 8:30pm. It was just not sustainable in the long run.

Long story short, when I was being interviewed to work at Alice Smith four months after being out of work, the first thing I asked was, what was the office hours like. 4:30pm, they answered and subhanallah I just wanted to jumped out of happiness. Nevertheless, out of all the interviews I had been to, this was the hardest and probably the worst! I left the interview feeling worse than when I came. I felt dejected. I lost my sense of direction for a while. After the interview session, I went round and round on the road not knowing where to go or what to do, so I decided to do groceries. I went to buy groceries and left the groceries at the counter. I just spaced out, I lost my mind. I was just thinking, I didn't come prepared enough, I didn't get the support I needed to prepare for the interview nor did I get any sleep the night before. With around 300 applicants internationally, I knew my chance was pretty narrow of securing the position. That was it. I blew my chance away.

Despite my shortcomings and less than perfect circumstance, like always Allah the All Mighty still gives and He gives generously.

I seriously and genuinely cannot imagine being a mom and having a 'work life balance' job that let you leave work at 6pm. As a child, my mom was a teacher and dad, a lecturer. I used to think how suck it was to reach home at 6pm and had deep pity for Ayah. When the kids start schooling, how is it possible to juggle all that? 6pm is a bit too late for me who takes ages to cook, clean the house and pay attention to the kids. So Allah put me in a workplace where I could go home as I demanded, 4:30pm.

When I was commuting to work, I used to dream of having a workplace where it's just 5 minutes drive from home and He granted me that.

In my previous workplace, my superior used to show off his new super advanced laptop that the company provided which I thought the behavior was unnecessary. Now I'm using the same laptop as him, provided by my workplace and even more so.

I used to say to myself, wouldn't it be nice to be have a workplace with a gym facility so staff can stay active and fit. Allah granted me that with an additional running track which even my family can have access to. We go there sometimes on weekends.

I used to dream of being in a multicultural workplace because I didn't feel quite fit in at my previous workplaces. Now, alhamdulillah for friendly and professional colleagues who don't find it weird when I greet them. It feels very close to home here where people whom I know and don't know greet me with hellos and good mornings so casually.

What's blew my mind was, I bumped into favourite my high school art teacher from the UK who happened to work there for 6 years already now. I had a chance to see him in his last few days before he took off to take care of his parents back in the UK. He said he would return in September this year. 13 years apart in time and distance, Allah purposely wanted me to see him again by landing me at this school. Otherwise I wouldn't have known he had been around, 10 minutes away from my home.

Flachback.

When I gave birth to Maryam, I looked at her thinking...all the hardship, rejections and struggles boiled down to this tiny and innocent baby. No matter what people say, how people looked at me and judge me, because I was heavily pregnant and going for interviews for a new job, putting my family and myself first, Allah knows what was in my heart, how sincere I was to the point that I just didn't care. I knew rejection after rejection was coming but I didn't care...as long as I kept struggling and making effort, it was just a matter of time until Allah gave me a sign.

After a year and a half, here I am now. Not to say that I'm certain nothing is going to change nor if this is my permanent job...but let me enjoy the view at the top of the mountain that I struggled to climb for a while before my next venture.

Thank you Allah for lifting up the slight burden off my shoulder and letting me breathe even if this nikmah is only for a short while.