noblescent

a personal blog

Where We Actually End Up Being (Updated, 24th July 2020)

To my dearest Kak Mira,

I might have sounded fake when I said 'dearest' because I only had just appeared in your life as a colleague for the last one year and a month but you have no idea how much you've influenced me and touched the lives of others and I regret only able to say that after you've gone.

For your information, I'm currently reading Trevor Noah's book called 'Born a Crime'. He talks about how language brings people together and with it an identity and a culture, or at least the perception of it. A shared language says "We're the same." A language barrier says "We're different."

My first encounter with you was in the PLC building, level 2 where I was stationed. You had always came up with a loud "Hi everyone!" almost everyday, disrupting everyone's ever so focus-on-work-that-we-never-look-up-to-speak-to-each-other kind of environment. Everyone would reply with a sombre “Hey…” or “Hi…” but you best know that I was eager, excited and looking forward to replying to your “Hi!”. Anyway, not having that dose of "Hi everyone!" from you at the end of the day made me wonder where you were on some days that you didn’t show up. I was eager to get to know you!

Speaking about language, you spoke Bahasa Malaysia so fluently that I couldn’t trace one bit that you were Chinese. And that’s how you were best at connecting with people because you almost spoke everyone’s language here in our community. Hearing you spoke Mandarin, I was all the more amazed because initially I thought you were Malay who knew Mandarin but it was actually the other way round. You were Chinese Muslim, who spoke Mandarin, English and Bahasa.

Regardless of race and language, most importantly you were expressive and willing to share your stories, vulnerabilities and heart out!

Then I met you at the badminton court. I learned that you were into lots of social and sports activities. I thought could we could get along just fine. What more, I thought we were about the same age. What more, I was then moved to be in the same office as yours in the main building! You used to always call me yang or sayang. We sat just one table apart. We had fun. But then, there I found out that you were in the process of getting a divorce. There, I also found out that you had lost three children of your own.

Huh…what a life. Is it even possible to bare by anyone?

On top of that, you had insomnia and you’ve lost so much weight. I will forever remember this favourite song of yours that expresses a tiny portion of your sorrow which only Allah knew what you were going through.



Despite that, you never failed to appear to be the most cheery and jolly person on campus. You picked yourself up by moving into a new studio, travelling solo around the world, you were loved by many, you took care of your elderly mother and you were starting to be in a relationship again.

My dearest Arwah Kak Mira, show me your ways!

One year and a half since you lost your last child and one year after you ended your 10 year marriage, Allah wanted you to have just a little bit more patience before He ended all your pain and reunited you with your children from heaven. Your ex-husband, well, had you both not gone through the divorce, would have lost pretty much everyone in his life that he loved most. His children and wife...you! At the end of the day, I suppose, your life had had a beautiful ending.

Hyperthyroidism is just an excuse to get you to where you are today.

Today, I lost another cheerful, kind, young and rejuvenated person and in my life, a close relative of my husband but nevertheless on our first time meeting, had treated me for a shopping spree on my birthday, Fadli. He worked hard in Calaqisya, Shah Alam for the longest time but the time he decided to take a short break and visit his family in Kelantan, nobody knew that was going to be his last goodbye. Everything happened too quickly. His life was taken due to lung infection.

Fadli, some time after you were admitted into the hospital in Kelantan, I contacted your employer to ensure they were getting updates about you because I knew you were too weak to be on your phone. I I was in touch with your roommate who also happened to be your colleague and best friend until the very end of your of last breath. Did you know that he and CQ team went to visit you when you were at the ICU and the next day, your graveyard? You were gone early in the morning of 13 July. I learned later in the evening that your roommate also lost his beloved mother on the same day. Innalillahi wanna ilayhirojiun.

Double whammy. Allah really has a way with His tests and planning.



From Him, we belong and to Him, we return.

Your Creator is waiting for you. Go, meet and greet Him peacefully. Your time has arrived and inshallah we…and I will follow suit soon. May Allah bless you both with infinite bliss and place you in the highest rank of Jannah together with your loved ones. You have touched the lives of many and there aren't enough or the right words to express our sadness on your passing.

Life is the like of leaves on trees. We might all come from the same seed, root, plant and branch, but as we wither away, we just don’t know where the wind might take us and where we eventually end up being. Our job is not to know that but to just be a God-serving and people-serving servant.

Al-fatihah to both of you.

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