Processed, Shipped and Dropped from Heaven - 2nd July 2021

 Assalamualaikum Baby No.3, 

Welcome to the world - Alam Dunia. Mama just recently had an interesting session with my girlfriends who initiated to invite Ustaz Faris Zulkarnane to do a virtual Kembara Mahsyar via Zoom. It was an interactive and immersive experience and I felt so lucky to have had a chance to join the session. 

Now that you're out, I keep thinking to myself while embracing you, Maashallah, you've just recently been processed, shipped and 'dropped' from Heaven. When I conceived you, He blew your ruh inside me, He said be and it is and just like that, you appeared in my life. 

In the time of Covid where the economic downturn is affecting many people in their decision to grow their families, retrenchment, suicide rate is on the rise, people are waving white flags for survival and there's a spike in death rate, Rose Humayra, you came into our lives, bringing hope. 

I'm not saying we're not affected by the endemic but alhamdulillah at least, we still have the option to have you. Your presence had been delicately planned by choice when we'd in the best shape and mental state, ready to receive you circa July - August to coincide with Mama's off-peak working season. We plan and Allah plans, but Allah is the best of Planners. 

Sayang, with your pregnancy, I felt I had to do more good and help more people because believe it or not, I always associate labour with death. I mean, for mothers, giving birth is one of the most noble ways to die. It's when I'm totally in remembrance of Allah and totally surrendering everything to Allah, ikhlas going through the pain for Allah to receive you safely out of my own weaknesses and helplessness. I was still traumatised from receiving your sister, Mary because by far I had never been in so much pain that tasted like near death. People say all my labours have been easy and a smooth sailing, but all those short span of times didn't mean a painless cruise. It just meant I was in excruciating pain too fast and furious. At 4cm dilation, I maxed out the contraction scale every minute. 

The good news is, with every pregnancy, nothing surprises you anymore. You expect to go through the same rites of passage. You're familiar with the pain. You brace yourself and the situation with confidence.

Let's take a stroll down memory lane...


2:00 am - I checked my phone. "Ugh...why do you (contraction) have to come now?" I flipped through the contraction app and it was 5-10 minutes apart. Got out of bed and turned on my laptop knowing that today could be the day, I started to do work to finish up the last few bits of work that I owed. 

Mary accompanied me. Yes, all the way from 2:00am - 5:30am because she couldn't sleep without me. She played, sang, danced and asked for some rice because she got hungry. That's when I decided to head back to bed and put her to sleep. 

8:00 am - Started doing work again. I told Abe that we should go to the hospital around 10:30am. At 10 am, Abe and your sisters were still busy playing magnetic blocks...oh you know, it's just Mama about to pop. No biggie. 

11:30 am - We sent your sisters to Atok and Nenek's. Of course Betty and Mary were over the moon because your cousins were around! They too just had Baby Firman (first boy in the family!) 2 days ago. Betty kept hugging me tightly ensuring me that she loves me and I'll be okay. 👌 

11:45 am - In the emergency, checking my CTG. The frequency is consistent and it reached its peak regularly every 5 mins. I was 2cm dilate. So the nurse said I can be admitted. 

12:30 pm - I was in a 2 bed ward. The lady next to me, although I couldn't see her because of the partition, seemed to be in a lot of pain. She had a c-sect and I supposed the pain had just started kicking in. Abe left me for a while to grab a few stuff from home. As I was waiting for Abe, I ate the food that was served, got changed and just sitting down looking pretty. 

1:00 pm - Nurse came in saying they would do an orientation whenever I'm ready. So after getting ready and having prayed and all, I went out to fetch the nurse. What orientation, seriously? Orientation around the hospital? Orientation on what to expect during labour? The lovely nurse said I didn't need to go anywhere. Just stay put in my bed and she'll come to me to 'do the orientation'. Lol. Oh okay. Sure I knew that. 😂 She came to check me out. My blood pressure, my pulse, how far apart the contraction etc. Abe sitting next to me just laughed away. 


2:00pm - Finally I met Dr Khamsiah (founder of Andorra) for the first time. I've been going to her clinic's appointments but all the time it was some Dr. Locum on stand by, which is not a problem I supposed. Good to know that all the Andorra staff, nurses and doctors are helpful, friendly and kind based on my encounter, alhamdulillah. So the doctor checked and my opening was already 4 cm. Wow. So today is really the day huh. I've been hearing stories that some women can take a week to fully dilate from 2cm to 10 cm. I'm fascinated because I've never had to chance to keep my baby in for that long. I would hesitate to get admitted at 2cm dilate, but knowing my track record, I would just have to succumb. 

Dr Khamsiah was soft spoken and gentle. She gave some consultation and options. She said usually at 4 cm, you can already be sent to the labour room and the doctor would check on your every 4 hours. I was like, what? Really?! 😅I barely stayed in the labour room more than 3 hours. I guess they don't get cases like mine that often then. 

Of all the options she mentioned, I was hooked by the last one. She said, I could wait or she could voluntarily burst my water (amniotic fluid) to expedite the process. I was like, yes please! (can you tell I was excited? or desperate?) All this while, doctors had to break my water during my labours anyway. So the nurse gave me some pills. That was when a series discomfort began. I went back and forth to the toilet almost 5 times.

3:00 pm - I was pushed into the labour room. Alhamdulillah. It looked cold and bare, not as I expected, but at least there were some snacks and drinks. After putting the CTG strap on me, the nurse said, “Contraction nampak cantik”, went away and Abe switched off the lights to let me rest and take a nap… While having contraction? Yeah right! But yes, less stimulation helped.

3:30 pm - The nurse came in again and asked if I’d like to get an injection to help me sleep. Again, I said, yes please. I mean, nothing interesting is going on at the moment, so might as well sleep the pain off. 

4:15pm - Not sure of the time exactly but all the other labour rooms were clear so all nurses grouped up to recite Surah Yaasin around me in the labour room. It sure felt like death was imminent.

4:45pm - Ok, at this is point, the pain was unbearable…and nope, I still wasn’t asleep. I was holding on to only these two things - dzkir and proper breathing technique. I was doing so well on the breathing up until this point. The pain got so overwhelming that I forgot how to breathe. I lost it! I really felt like I was suffocated, chocked by my own breathing. I remembered telling myself, “Get hold of yourself, Ateeqa. Just breathe. Breathe!”. I let out a shriek. I genuinely forgot how to breathe. So I did what I would do when I forget things. Selawat. Allhumma salli ala Muhammad wa’ala ali Muhammad. Boy did that make a difference! Immediately I could taste the air again and my lungs filled up with oxygen. The pain has gotten the better of me that when it escalated, I just forgot everything. Saying the selawat had properly saved my life ok.

At this point also, I decided that I was going going to push whether or not the nurses were ready. In my previous track record, I started to push when the pain felt like death. It did, no exaggeration. I knew I was running the risk of tearing. I knew I was probably going to get told off but the doctor, but heck I rather sunat many times than enduring this pain. So with one subtle push, alhamdulillah the baby’s head made its appearance down there. I really have no idea why they made me wait when the baby was so ready to come out with just one push.

The nurses who were completely immersed in their recitation of surah Yaasin by my side, were caught off guard. Suddenly all of them jumped and went beserk - one of them was holding the baby’s head trying to stop it from coming out (apparently nurses of private hospitals cannot receive newborns), another was putting labour pants on me to help me cover aurah (apparently it’s for the perfect picture moment…Girl, dont get me started on this. Why the heck would you want to take photos of down there for? How bad can you angle be? I mean, I’m in agreement with the whole idea of taking photos - it’s brilliant and thank you, but for sure it would be taken from my navel up, right?! I mean, I was in my hijab and all. I was ready. Who needs to wear pants when you’re busy delivering a baby? ) and the third one went to get the doctor while bringing all equipments out. One of the nurses said, “Tak sempat kami habis baca Yaasin, baby nak keluar dah.” Abe said, “Aik, tadi dah nampak kepala baby keluar, tiba-tiba masuk balik.”

5:04 pm - As soon as the doctor came in, immediately I felt a surge of something coming out from down there, emptying my bulging tummy. Doctor received the baby and she came to me, “That was the best delivery. Cepat je dan tak koyak.” Maashallah. I made her double check because, I just couldn’t believe there were no tear. There were only tears of Abe. Alhamdulillah..Abe, by my side, made sure that I acknowledge him bawling. I’m happy that the nurses had a dedicated person in charge to take photos using Abe’s phone and I get to experience skin-to-skin moment with my baby. 

5:04 pm onwards - Only now the drowsiness started to kick in. One of the nurses said, “Untunglah…beranak masa tidur. Mudah je…”. From the time Abe decided to switched off the lights, I just closed my eyes, tryna get in the zone, you know what I mean? I was very much awake and in tune with my surrounding. I delivered the baby with my eyes closed trying to bare the pain…until now. Now, I’m ready to sleep. I cannot for the life of me keep my eyes open. I’m ready to sleep…and Alhamdulillah from 5:04pm onwards, my life has been changed and will not be the same ever again. I’m a mother of three beautiful and healthy princesses, Alhamdulllah. Allahuakbar.

The rest is history, I supposed? I was happy that we were moved to a single bedroom upon delivery and the next day, Andorra offered 5 services before I could be discharged - shower, massage, lactation, exercise and physiotherapy sessions. A little credit there as I was alhamdulillah happy with their treatment. We did it. Thank you Allah. We did it. Moga Allah berkati hidup kita dan ibu2 sana yang bakal mengandung, beranak dan mencuba! Remember, love is a verb. Mother is a verb, not merely biology.