Back-to-SCHOOL. hey professor buddies

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
 السلام عليكم


tuesday. 18/01/2011


things are starting to get really serious at college now.
completing the last nine credit hours of honors program brings me to another dimension that i've never experienced before.
a tandem core seminar - english honors 102 and women and gender studies 290 combined. tuesday and thursday. led by two professor, Dr Marian Staats and Dr Holy Graff from 9.30-12.15pm.
started class on tuesday, a lot of readings were set and assignment papers due on thursday.
second day of class (yesterday) I already slept at 2/3am. getting the textbooks needed for the class was a hassle.

this particular book called Feminist Thought was already lent out both from skokie and des plaines oakton libraries. i contacted Borders and Barnes & Nobles Bookstores around the districts of evanston, wilmette and skokie. I called up and researched for the avilability of the textbook from glenview, skokie public libraries and other universities, UIC, IIT and Northwestern Uni libraries where my friend go to so they can lend me the book. I must get the book by tomorrow (wednesday)! A friend from NU was willing to help..he'd drop the book at my dad's office. at the same time, i emailed ayah some amazon links to buy the book online. it should take at most a week or so to arrive. some, i've pre ordered a week ago. whilst waiting them to arrive, i can borrow the books from library. Syukurr...I slept peacefully last night. preparing for next day's class.

wednesday. 19/01/2011

Today's class was..........beyond anything that i've expected or ever experienced. Philosophies of the Self, East and West 290, at 2pm, the same classroom as yesterday, 10 students filled in. which is a nice concise group of students for an honors class. what's made me nervous was that, seven other professors also signed up for the course. Ya Allah....is this for real. I feel like evaporating in the midst of clear air so I wouldn't be seen. Am i in the right class? Did i sign up for this? culture shock kejap. My World Religions professor from last semester is here, my current prof Dr Holy Graff is there (OMG) and my jaw drops out of disbelief that i hope someone would pinch me hard to snap me out of this nightmare, my Honors Co-ordinator and Chairman and also a philosophy professor, Tom Bohan...................................................we all sit in a meeting situation, rounded, so that everybody can see each other, adequately effective for disscussion.

it's like budak2 jpa/mara/bank negara who went to their classes and found out their sponsors are going to be their course buddies who sit next to them for the whole entire semester. oooh T__T
and how ayah faced his viva for PhD in front of many scholars and professors,  yeahh, it feels exactly like that too. for REAL heart felt example lah kn.

plus i'd be dealing with Tom heck of a lot of time, emailing and meeting him out of class time at his office back n forth throughout this semester, TCBing ("taking care of business").
saye terkesima lagi dan lagi dan lagi dan lagi dan lagi..................dan lagi lagi sampai 4.45 pm when the class finishes. I sit back for a while. calm myself. then continue to  terkesima lagi dan lagi dan lagi dan lagi dan lagi..................dan lagi lagi sampai sekarang,kemungkinan besar till the end of this sem.

very high expectation from that class. they're professors, for heavens sake. i wonder, what they are doing there, getting credited class, when most of them are already philosophy professors i.e. Expert at that. mmg saje nk challange bdk2 kelas tu kah? yeah..maybe..but they are the students there too. they will submit papers too. hmm.

aaaaagh..JANGAN BERANI KAU FUTUR WAHAI HATI! KAU BOLEH BUAT!

already, of course, some reading is set. Read Plato's Phaedo's entire book, due for next class. sedalam2nya saye tarik nafas...aku boleh buat!!! prof kat sini bace buku macam bace surat kabar je ke. bagus la camtu. this is part of training and disciplining myself and also towards pushing me to the limit.
ateeqa nasha dah jadi nervous semula bila nk cek email...dapat msgs dari prof2ku..
since this class will be based on writing assignment, journals, research paper and class participation. 
also, "everyone at some point will lead a discussion by doing a presentation, talk about the main point(s) of the argument, being able to raise some questions in that regard (they can be either probing/critical questions, or questions about what may seem confusing or unclear) and generally focus/lead our investigation into the
reading." kata guruku. 


serious stuff ni...i'm sure it's a piece of cake for most people. but knowing ateeqa nasha, dia masih bertatih dan inshallah dah bersedia utk merangkak (eh tak sure tatih dulu ke merangkak :P haih failll..) berjalan lancar dan berlari...


mama ckp, orang yang berilmu, inshallah Allah akn di naikkan darjatnye. this is all part of picking up ilmu. bila berdepan dgn the kuffar, takde kekuatan lain yang dapat menguatkan kita selain kekuatan daripada Allah subhanahuwata'ala.


so, selepas introduction, bermula lah discussion of the Who Am I and The Self. I have found myself..everytime I search for my 'self', i find God. and in this class I have to help and contribute others to find them'selves'. they'll end up reaching to the Higher Power. not God, but higher power. haih..religions are remidies to insecure hearts, one of them say. i dont belive in god. i believe in higher power, i believe in my'self'. ingat ateeqa, belajar kerana Allah..then, nothing should stop you. open your mouth and say something backkkkkk!


kul 6, ayah jemput...gelap. saya harapkan buku text saya ada bersama ayah seperti yang dijanjikan dgn kawan saye ni. ayah was clueless...takde pon sesape bagi buku, cuma ada satu parcel sampai.  I don't sweat. I've been texting him now and again, but there was no reply. tomorrow the assignment is due. i can't do the reading and the writing without the book. hmm..while waiting and figuring out how i'm gona do my homework, i get the parcel to open it, hopeful dan say to myself "Ya Allah, aku redha dengan ketentuanMu....". 
to my astonishment, the Feminist Thought book appears itself in the parcel that i reveal. 


ordered last night, arrived today, itulah pertolonganNya.. my last week pre ordered books still havent arrived yet but this one has. sungguh lah, kalau ade sesiapa yang Allah nk tolong, takde kuasa yang dapat menghalangiNya...same jugak kepada siapa yang Allah nak laknat. nau'zubillah himinzalik..

hanya satu (atau dua) yang ku pinta, sahabat. tolong doakan saya dan bagi saya semangat...:) jazakallah khair..