In search for the Odd one.

بِسْــــــــــــــــــــــمِ اﷲِارَّحْمَنِ ارَّحِيم

Mamat asked "What does odd night mean in the Arabic term? I know in Bahasa Malaysia ganjil means pelik and numerical wise, it's the opposite of even numbers." 

That got me thinking.

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Upon finishing Isha' prayer

"Tonight is an odd night. The 23rd.
It could be the night that we seek for and chase after" anounced the imam.
But what is it that I was supposed to look out for? How would I know if I ever succeed?
Then salty pearls came pouring down. What's wrong with me.
If I were given 30 days to live and Ramadhan was the month of reviving the soul, had I been living the best 30 days of my life?
Have I progressed from last year's Ramadhan?

Ya Allah I might be crying for all the wrong reasons but at least to soothe my heart, I can see this as a  sign, that the rock solid heart of mine can still extract water.

Ya Allah, during this holy month of Ramadhan and the possible night of laylatulqadr, when people are hopeful, I was fearful. Fearful out of my own insincerity at worshipping You, my own flaws and stinginess to give and spend and greediness to take and consume. I'm indebted by your overflowing nikmah more than Your ujian can bare me deficits.

I might be crying for all the wrong reasons. While people cry from listening to Your reminder and warning, I cry out of my own indifference and emptiness from hearing Your ayats being recited with suchhhh limited understanding. Astaghfirullah hal'adzim...

Ramadhan is coming to an end and I'm only beginning to question my own quest of searching the meaning of what I'm supposed to look for. Ya Allah if I can't be sincere in performing my ibadah, then please help me be sincere in waiting for Your taufiq, hidayah and immense forgiveness.

The call of iqamah filled up the masjid and everybody raised on their feet. Tonight Allah blessed me to pray by my close cousin for the second time. Funny. It had almost been a month we did our tarawikh together at masjid but it was only our second time praying side by side. Usually we'd split up to fill in any gaps between makmum.

"Jangan la nangis..." she said.
I reminisced the last time she saw me in that state was the first time when we stood by each other for tarawikh. A guest from Syria came to our masjid and he said "(...) I'm here with you tonight to escape from the turmoil in Syria and to escape from Basyar's regime, while leaving the rest of our brothers and sisters suffer in pain. Please help us."

 They shouldn't even beg because it's our responsibility to give. Allah...Your given ease outweigh Your given hardship. How do I convert it into nikmah sedangkan kesenangan itu adalah ujian...dan bersyukur itu pada memberi sedangkan aku tak cukup memberi.

Morning, on the way to UUM with cousin. 

Cuzzy: I realized that sepanjang Ramadhan, tak hujan sekali pon.
Me: Yeah...I remember it used to rain a lot and suddenly it stopped.

Me in my mind: Wouldn't it be nice if it rained again, to see everything getting showered, cleansed and refreshed. Ya Allah I forgot what the after-rain smelled like. Ya Allah please help us bear the hot climate of Kedah. Ya Allah, please send down hujan rahmatMu.

It was time to go home after the 12 raka'ah. Suddenly there was a familiar noise. Right after giving salam, there were smirky smiles all round. A smile of joyfulness. A smile celebrating the rain outside :) A smile of expecting this could be the the special night, Laylatul Qadr.

The heavy rain forced the jemaah to stay for longer qiyam, including us. Subhanallah. If was as if a gold treasure supposedly be hunted for but instead given to us. Free2 je. That way, when Allah conditioned us to stay in the masjid, extra ibadah was made easier and happily performed. Is this what ikhlas feels like? Oohh...I'm flying without wings~

Through His hujan rahmat, Allah is helping us (or making us) to perform all the 21 rakaah as extras on what could possibly be the odd night. The imam read surah Al-'Ala and how I jolted on the inside. Out of all the surahs recited that night, for once I can say, "Heeey...I know this surah, ya Allah. How sweet of You! It would be the awesomest if the imam recited surah Al-Qadr in the next raakaah to go with it. Please let tonight be it, ya Allah. "


...with Allah's will, the imam then recited Surah Al-Qadr in the second rakaah. Subhanallah.

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I was waken up early by the morning shiver which forced me to stay up. I lowered down the speed of kipas angin and it felt better. For once I had to do that. That particular morning wasn't too hot nor was it too cold. It was just nice.

So when Mamat asked "What does odd night mean in the Arabic term?" 

I would like to think that by its essence, experientially and numerically it is ganjil pelik and ganjil antonim kepada nombor bulat :) 

Wallahua'lam