He's there for you, even when you're not.

بِسْــــــــــــــــــــــمِ اﷲِارَّحْمَنِ ارَّحِيم

I said to myself, "Ya Allah, I don't even know my priorities anymore" :'(
I question my iman. I question my jihad. 

Seminit saya check old messages in inbox from Zaytuna College by Hamza Yusuf and bumped into this.

"And help one another in acts of righteousness and piety" ('ta'awaunu 'ala al-birri wa al-taqwa, Qur'an, 5:2).

Another minit, I went to Oki's page and again was reminded…

"Tolong-menolonglah kamu dalam (mengerjakan) kebajikan dan takwa, dan jangan tolong-menolong dalam berbuat Dosa" (QS Al-Ma'idah:2)

“Janganlah kamu menjadi orang yang tidak mempunyai pendirian dan berkata, ‘Aku ikut saja seperti orang-orang itu. Jika mereka baik, aku pun baik; jika mereka jahat, aku pun jadi jahat.’ Tetapi teguhkan hatimu dengan keputusan bahwa jika orang-orang melakukan kebaikan, maka aku akan mengerjakannya; dan jika orang-orang melakukan kejahatan, maka aku tidak akan mengerjakan.”

I rarely check the weekly Zaytuna College's newsletter but once I did, I found this beautiful dua that I gave up searching for last year from one of Hamza Yusuf's lost lecture. Subhanallah…I'm speechless at how eloquent His speech and communication are, especially when I least expect it. It penetrates deep into the heart. He just knows it. He knows how to console this little desperate heart. He hears out my cry even when I didn't call out His name. Allahuakbar. Farfirghlliy ya Rabb :') I think I know what to do now. A friend reminded me, "Don't worry. When one door closes, another opens up."

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love
Where there is injury, pardon
Where there is error, truth
Where there is doubt, faith
Where there is despair, hope
Where there is darkness, light
And where there is sadness, joy.  

O, Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console
To be understood as to understand
To be loved as to love
For it is in giving that we receive
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned
And it is in dying that we are born again to eternal life.

Amin ya rabbal 'alamin. Semoga kita sama2 dapat manfaat dari doa ini. You know what I wonder?

To respond at times in need shows that He's there for me when I need Him. This is a gift for everyone. To respond at times of forgetfulness shows that He's the All Listening, the All Aware, the Guide, the All Knowing etc, befitting His so many other beautiful names. 

He speaks to you when you don't, He thinks of you when you don't, He cares about you when you don't. 
Astaghfirullah hal'adzim. Ya Ar-Rashid, berikanlah kami petunjuk. Amin.