So here it goes.
We met at the Pink Hijab Day. She came out to us quite pleasantly loud, like a burst of joy. She opened up her personal story about her mom who suffered from breast cancer. To sum up, there were some tears and huggings and we got pretty attached.
Another encounter, we met at Eboo Patel's Interfaith speech-giving ceremony and she seemed very frantic and excited. She said, she prayed that God make us bump into each other again. She said, let her meet her sister in faith again. I remember repeating to myself her inspirational words on about women…
"Women bring lives to this world and through that, they share a common bond. I believe in women's power in keeping this world alive." Talk about the power of wombs and menstruation. Heh.
What's crazier, this semester, Allah made us sit next to each other in our elective Bio class. Subhanallah. It's mind boggling every time I think about this coincidence.
She always says that I'm special. Our second day of class, she introduced me to our professor and said "I'd like you to meet this girl. This girl is very special". I was like…uuuh. The professor probably couldn't care less. She did the same during our book signing with Eboo Patel. More than I'm trying to figure out my "specialty" (which I'm sure she calls everybody just the same), I'm more interested in figuring her out. She makes me wonder. Subhanallah. What about her eyes that she sees so much goodness in a person? Any person. What about her heart that always speaks and thinks of God? There wasn't a time that we met without talking about and wondering about His mercy and mightiness. May Allah put us in the state of zikrullah at all times. She helps me do that. Especially in our Biology class…
"I don't know how people can not believe in God after seeing all these miracles. Our cells are doing stuff in our bodies in a split second, without us realizing it. You know, some people may have religion, but they don't have faith."
"Structure leads to function" - This is my favorite quote from the class about cell.
She's no less special than the people she's throwing the word at. We're in our own little world every time we're in that class. We'd awe at one thing and then another…just imagine when the professor make us watch NatGeo videos. On cells and molecules. People surrounding us would just eavesdrop at our conversation because we're loud. She's loud. I've never met anybody more loud and eloquent than her. It's great! We talk about books and religion too. I had always wanted to give her a copy of Quran. I offered her and she said "Yes, please". She said she owns a copy of Torah, Bible but not yet Quran.
She asked me whether I knew Malala. The girl who got shot by the Taliban a couple of inches away right in the eye. Today, the whole world is listening to her story and the importance of education for everybody (…yes, especially the Taliban). The next day she bought a book written by Malala and she read. The week after, I received this book from her :)
But I couldn't return her gift just yet. My english translation of the Quran that I picked up from the Muslim House seemed a little bit battered. Furthermore I couldn't think of something sweet and short as a note to leave her with. It's supposed to be a little message of a lifetime as if they were so full of wisdom and ground breaking. I was imagining the last words I would say if I were to die. I highlighted some of my favorite verses for her. I didn't now if I was ready to give her the copy of Quran. It wasn't the best translation that I had come across anyway.
While I waited to get my hand on a better English Quran translation in the weekend, I gave her a different kind of book. Guidance from Confusion by A Shakir. It's a book compiled of individuals' stories how they came about to revert to Islam. Very inspirational. From that book I learned that guidance, like rezqi, comes in different shapes and forms. Like, subhanallah I don't even know where to begin. Some through reading the translation of Quran, some through the attitude of Muslims, some through Hijab, some through hearing the recitation, some through the practices, some through their own questioning and reasoning etc. So, what is it that I hope from giving her a copy of Quran? That she falls in love with the translated words of God in Quran? Certainly. I mean, it worked for me and some others. But was I trying to impose the religion on her? I certainly hope not. I mean, I can't do that. "So remind, for you are only a reminder. You're not (over them) a controller". God forbid if I seem to appear that way :/ Human hearts are fragile, they are to be handled with care.But now I realized, the fact that I waited for the perfect quote to do its magic and get the perfect Quran English translation had possibly been counter productive. I said to myself, whether I give it now or later, it wouldn't mean anything much. Never underestimate when and how He decrees His guidance upon His beloved slaves. Kun fayakun. So, let's do it now.
The day when I brought the thick quran translation in on top of cik meklaptop and other books in my bag pack, she was absent. And she was absent again and again and again…
The week after we had our first quiz, she reappeared. Jovial as ever :) I was so glad. She had been ill. She said she had a news for me. It could be either very good or very bad. But one thing for sure she said, she has lived a contented life. She cried and laughed over the weekend reminiscing of the long years she had lived. This Friday, today, was supposed to be the day she picked up the result from hospital. I haven't heard any news from her.
But one thing I remember her say, "In Christianity, they do this thing called prayer chain. That means you ask your friends to pray for you and your friends would ask their friends to pray for you etc. So I'd like you to pray for me. Pray for strength."
The term used here is a little bit different from the Islamic term. I mean, I can't pray for you but I can make dua for you. The act of praying is solely a personal thing that only an individual can do for him/herself to God. But sure, making dua for humankind definitely recommended.
One thing I want to say to you is that, I can't possibly be asking God to give strength to you while I'm weak. Who am I, asking God to grant others strength while I'm so feeble? How arrogant and self-sufficient minded would that be? That's crazy. Upon her request, I found faults in myself. It's crazy to be asking kekayaan for others while ignoring kepapaan diri aku sendiri, heart and soul. Likewise guidance, I cannot possibly be thinking that I'm more rightly guided, when my ending has not been concluded yet. How deluded would I be had I thought strength is all we need at times of difficulties. So I pray that God grants both of us strength and guidance at the same time. I am as badly in need of strength and guidance as you are, my dearest Roberta :'(
Coincidence upon coincidence (Allah's perfect plan), I so happened to receive a parcel in the mail. Guess what? It is gift of a copy of Quran with English translation special from Madinah. Subhanallah. How Muslims are taught to be grateful is by sharing the taste of His nikmah with others. I can't wait to let her taste my share of blessing as soon as she gets back…with inshallah, good news :) It's now or never. There can't be a more perfect timing than now. Allah's words are enough and magical in and of themselves. It's now or never.
So, what kind of ending do I expect this story would have? The kind that knowing I've done my part the best I could and hopeful for His redha, a continuous du'a for strength and guidance for all of us (let's join this du'a chain) and the kind that doesn't have an ending. Who said there needs to be an ending to our friendship anyway?
Sahih International
Indeed, those who have believed then disbelieved, then believed, then disbelieved, and then increased in disbelief - never will Allah forgive them, nor will He guide them to a way.
Malay
Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang beriman, kemudian mereka kafir, kemudian mereka beriman semula, kemudian mereka kafir sekali lagi, kemudian mereka bertambah-tambah lagi dengan kekufuran, Allah tidak sekali-kali akan memberi ampun kepada mereka, dan tidak akan memberi pertunjuk hidayah kepada mereka ke jalan yang benar.
An-Nisa 4:137
Our endings haven't been concluded yet. Astaghfirullah hal adzim.
Sahih International
Indeed, [O Muhammad], you do not guide whom you like, but Allah guides whom He wills. And He is most knowing of the [rightly] guided.
Malay
Sesungguhnya engkau (wahai Muhammad) tidak berkuasa memberi hidayah petunjuk kepada sesiapa yang engkau kasihi (supaya ia menerima Islam), tetapi Allah jualah yang berkuasa memberi hidayah petunjuk kepada sesiapa yang dikehendakiNya (menurut undang-undang peraturanNya); dan Dia lah jua yang lebih mengetahui akan orang-orang yang (ada persediaan untuk) mendapat hidayah petunjuk (kepada memeluk Islam).
Al-Qasas 28:56
And if there should be a group among you who has believed in that with which I have been sent and a group that has not believed, then be patient until Allah judges between us. And He is the best of judges."
And if there should be a group among you who has believed in that with which I have been sent and a group that has not believed, then be patient until Allah judges between us. And He is the best of judges."
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