Fire Doesn't Get Put Out by Fire

3:31:00 PM

بِسْــــــــــــــــــــــمِ اﷲِارَّحْمَنِ ارَّحِيم

Alhamdulillah, for where I am today :) Although life is not always rainbows and butterflies, I believe one always always always have to pinch herself and realize that at least

1. She is not tested on her faith
2. It could've been worse
3. There's always someone wishes to be in her shoes

For as long as a test takes you back to your God, inshallah you know you're passing. Help is on its way.

Last two weeks my colleagues are I had a surprise bachelorette party. It was fun :) It was my first bachelorette party for a girlfriend. Don't ask how mine was because I never had one. So don't mind me if I get as excited as the bride-to-be. Heh. We had a fine lunch at Serai Restaurant with ballons, tiara and lots of photos. Oh yes, and of course a serious discourse on marriage. Just tips & tricks from the self proclaimed, "experienced" ones, including myself *flip hair* (status changed on FB, so I'm legit).

So here are some of the unsolicited advices that I feel carry some weight of truth and importance for newlyweds and even serve as reminders for the experienced ones.

1. "Even bila kita marah or merajuk dengan suami, makan minum dia still kena jaga tau" - Kak Ili

2. "Do not depend your happiness on anyone. Not even your spouse" - Pn. Yasmin

3. "Know you place as a wife. When he is stressed out and doesn't talk much, he is communicating something with you. He needs your presence. So be there for him...even if that means you have to cancel your plan with your girlfriends" - Me

To further elaborate on my two cents, in general, people don't want to be stressed out. But everyone's threshold is different and sometimes they don't even realize that it's by choice that they're in that state. So put on your hat on as a wise spouse who will help take them out of the misery.

I'll let you in a lil story that you might find useful, as an example.

One fine night was crushed when the husband came home all grumpy. The traffic had been nothing but horrible, plus raining, and to put the cherry on top, baby was crying most of the journey back home from work & nursery. The wife asked if they could go out for dinner that night because...

1. The house is a mess
2. No food on the table nor in the fridge
3. With a cranky & hungry baby & spouse, chances are she cannot entertain both without keeping the other one busy.

So, she said "Let's go to the masjid & pray Isha' first. Then we'll check out where we could eat". She knew the ambiance of the masjid would be a perfect place to release stress because it's cool, filled with calm people and just the sheer sound of Quran recitation is tranquilizing (if there happened to have a good reciter, that is). Alhamdulillah it worked. After prayer the husband was busy socializing with poeple, baby was busy roaming around the masjid and chasing after the poor cats. Wifey was just relief having kept everyone busy while trying to exhaust their energy so they could go home happily and be put to bed right away. The surprising part was, on that night, that the masjid people served the guests nasi goreng + pizza + teh panas as it was their typical eventful Thursday night. Alhamdulillah Allah turned the situation 360 degrees around!

Save money, time and hassle to find a restaurant! 100 point kudos.

Another indication that the plan went well was when he husband requested that they stay there a bit longer and come again next Thursday for this kind of outing after work. He even made a friend there!

So, that's one example of how to take one out of a distressful state. Literally it's like picking out a piece of lego from a mass bundle of them and place it on top of another lego in an organized manner. It takes wisdom and patience though because you can easily fall victim to the contagious state of unpleasantness and negative vibes. Don't fight as a prey to the hostile and volatile situation, when at that moment in time, rationality simply doesn't matter nor exist. Fire cannot fight with fire. In fact, something has to be taken out of the fire equation to put out the unwanted flame combustion.


Do you have any comments, concerns or inquiries? Or else, just drop me a note to say hi! :)